Quiet Doesn’t Mean Boring: Breaking the Introvert Myth

If I had a nickel every time someone said I’m quiet in a social setting, I’d have so many nickels—honestly, a lot.

As an introvert, I sometimes hate when people judge my entire personality based on how I act in a large crowd. When someone says, “She’s so quiet!” I now respond with, “What a good observation!” or “Never heard that before!” or “So I guess… fight me?”—though quietly, of course.

It’s not that I’ve never tried to be more social—because I have. I’ve tried to insert myself into an ongoing conversation with a large group of people, but without feeling like I fit in, I ended up sounding weird and kind of lame.

Something akin to an adrenaline rush (like this) left me feeling overwhelmed and drained afterward. I used to get disappointed when I failed at being group-fun (I know, I know, this is lame). I used to feel the need to prove that I could actually be sarcastic, witty, and funny in a totally different situation (and yes, this is even lamer). If my embarrassment could speak, it would probably scream, “Ask my close friends! They’d say the same thing!”

(See? In an imagined group setting that would very unlikely have me screaming, what I want to say so badly still feels... lame.)

If you noticed the usage of “used to,” you’re probably wondering if the same thing still applies now. Well, I’m no SpongeBob, but I have my own version of ‘It’s the Best Day Ever,’ consisting of a close-knit group of friends, and I’m mature enough to drop the need for external validation.

After all, I feel more comfortable in a small circle. I can naturally join a conversation with a smaller, less overwhelming number of people talking. If I can be both sarcastic and witty in the best way, why should I be bothered by all the nickels I’ve gathered from social commentary? I could buy a truckload of ice cream with that.

(Look at that. I’m now turning this imagined commentary currency into a chance to be an independent entrepreneur.)

Now, I get it. I totally get why I sounded weird when I forced myself to be more lively in a large social setting. I understand why I feel overwhelmed and drained after being around too many people at once. I’m built different. Introverts are built different. I accept that I can’t change who I truly am, but I can change what I choose to do to make myself feel more content.

Meanwhile…