Why I Doubt Being Called “Kind”—And Why That’s Okay

Are you familiar with the term ‘impostor syndrome’? It’s a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their achievements because of an internal fear of being exposed as a fraud. While it’s not officially recognized as a mental disorder, experiencing impostor syndrome can be damaging in the long run. Imagine how depressing it must be to stress over winning an award because you’re afraid you’re not actually competent, and that people will soon realize it.

While impostor syndrome is often linked to career-related issues, I’ve found myself caught in its pattern, though in a completely different area. I’m not sure if this is widely experienced, but I often feel like an impostor when people describe me as “kind”.

Why?

I don’t feel like a good person. People who call me “kind” have never heard what I think about when something truly bothers me. It’s like a chaotic meeting full of people with conflicting interests—it's loud.

I sometimes feel bad for having thoughts like that, which feel like a mental gossip session. I even feel unworthy of being called “kind”. The feeling eventually convinces me that I only appear kind not because I’m truly kind, but because I don’t lash out. Keeping things to myself, in a way, is how I stop people from exposing who I truly am. What an impostor-like move, right?

Lately, though, a different perspective has arisen—I’ve learned that becoming a good person isn’t an overnight change. Kindness isn’t always a natural trait that people are born with, either. Practicing it actually requires effort. We need the will to learn to be more empathetic and helpful, even when the situation doesn’t call for it.

I’m not saying that I’m kind—I’m still far from that—but I want to appreciate myself for at least having the conscience to improve. Every positive change starts with awareness and a willingness to adjust. Instead of accusing myself of being an impostor, I should start bringing something different to the table.

I also realize that while my mental gossip session makes me feel bad for not being sincere, it can also act as a protective wall against ill-meaning situations. Keeping things to myself doesn’t always mean protecting my reputation—it can also mean I value the other person enough to remain polite.

In the end, practicing kindness is important, but it must be balanced with standing up against disrespect. Our minds may generate many hurtful thoughts, but it’s up to us whether we act on them. Even in Guilty as Sin?, someone told Taylor Swift that there’s no such thing as bad thoughts—only our actions talk.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy A Chaotic Morning Reflection: In Feeling the Rain and The Mango Fiasco: A Slice of Adulting Reality.