What I Learned When I Asked for Help

So, what I’m about to say might sound a bit… controversial, but let me be frank: being kind to everyone is important, but it’s not always a good idea to go out of your way to help others.

(Now that I’ve said it, I realize it’s actually not that controversial. Still, it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.)

Do you remember the post where I shared how a friend I had helped a few times suddenly went poof when I asked her a question she could easily answer?

I know humans are extremely complex creatures (if not the most complex). Our interactions with each person unfold differently, and we can’t take one exchange and use it as a template for everyone else. With that in mind, I shouldn’t let the disappointment from that experience shape my future interactions. If anything, I should remember that a good deed stops being a good deed the moment we expect reciprocation.

If that incident helped me learn how multifaceted a person can be, it also opened my eyes to how some people can be differently the same.

Not long after that, I had another interestingly similar experience. Some people I had gone out of my way to help in the past didn’t even respond when I asked for a small favor. A pang of guilt washed over me at first, because I knew I shouldn’t be keeping score. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting that they didn’t care enough to simply say, “Oh, I’m sorry, but I can’t”—which I would have completely understood.

After some thought, I’ve concluded that it’s human to feel hurt over these moments (or the lack of them). I don’t condemn anyone for not responding to a friend in need, and I’m not saying they’re bad people—if anything, I know they have no ill intentions. But I also think it’s normal to feel sad when you realize you’re not getting the same respect in return.

So, is it still important to be a good person? Yes. I want to be kind to everyone—it’s a rule of thumb I try to live by. But is going out of your way to help others always a good thing? I would say it depends. Help if you can, but remember: wisdom also means not letting yourself be exploited and learning to set healthy boundaries.

Never turn kindness into something you keep score of. Kindness should come from within, not from expectation. But keep wisdom close, and remember: letting go of a one-sided relationship doesn’t make you a bad person.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy How I Learned to Enjoy My Tentacle Acres and The Price that Got Away.