On Negativity, Control, and Letting Go

Being a positive person is not always… easy. Let’s get that straight first.

Well, I’m no saint either, if anyone’s asking. I vent too, guys (and sometimes WAY too much). Even though venting doesn’t always lead to a good outcome, it feels like the easiest coping mechanism ever…

And I do it just to get things off my chest—even when it leaves me feeling more negative afterward (because what do you mean that girl is ignoring me when I’m trying to be receptive?!).

Over the last couple of months, I wasn’t exactly… the best version of myself. It all started when I began noticing only the negative sides of everything. “Yeah, he did that just to spite me,” or “Why is she so selfish?!” and sometimes, “That’s such a double standard! She can do it while I can’t!”

Slowly but surely, the negativity from all that venting started to amplify. I became restless, frustrated, and eventually cynical. I pointed out the bad in people without noticing the biggest problem in me. My head felt like it was about to explode with all the negative energy. I desperately wanted a way out.

Right around that time, I was reading a local book called Filosofi Teras. It was my first encounter with Stoicism, a philosophical movement from Greece. The approach in the book was simple and beginner-friendly, but I still managed to grasp the core ideas.

While I wouldn’t say I can apply everything 100% to my life, I’ve started practicing what I find helpful—like categorizing things into what I can control and what I can’t.

I don’t take it to the extreme though. I mostly apply it to things that bother me, like when people say or do something I think they shouldn’t. I mean, I can’t control that—and I shouldn’t. It would be unfair to expect people to act exactly the way I want them to.

So yeah, now when things don’t go my way, I don’t immediately spiral (or spam ChatGPT to tell me what to think). I take a deep breath and remind myself, “That’s not something I can control. Let’s focus on what I can.” I don’t see it as suppressing my feelings—I see it as redirecting my energy and thoughts toward something more constructive.

Apart from that, I’ve also started talking to myself more. I find it more therapeutic than forcing myself to be positive all the time. Feeling negative? I talk it out loud and process it lightly. Feeling happy? I pretend there’s a vlog camera and my channel has a million subscribers.

Can I say I’m 100% more positive now? Not really. But I do feel lighter. And sometimes, it’s those little shifts that keep me grounded.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy The Complicated Math of Kindness (And Why It’s Hard to Admit!) and On Valuing What I Create.