Choosing What to Focus on Is Choosing Peace

I never consider myself a particularly kind person, but I always try my best not to be that hurtful little mean girl. In my mind, being a decent person should at least be the standard. I would love to help when I can. But at the very least, I don’t want to be someone who keeps people up at night.

But you see, the world we live in isn’t perfect. While that’s part of the magical ride we’re witnessing from the front row, it’s also the reason we don’t always get what we think we deserve.

For instance, you might do everything humanly possible to get accepted into your dream college—but if you receive a rejection letter a month later, that doesn’t automatically mean the dean is to blame.

Or maybe you’ve saved up to get your hair done at the fanciest salon in town. If the hairdresser doesn’t understand your reference photo and makes you look like Dudley Moore instead of Demi Moore (do YOU get it???)… then yes, that’s totally his fault—but there’s still not much you can do about it.

Applying that same logic to what's been bothering me lately, I've realized that sometimes people simply don't reciprocate warmth—and there's not much I can do about that either. Perhaps we simply don’t fit as friends, like two mismatched puzzle pieces in a very vast world.

But I’m not going to lie: it never feels good to be on the receiving end of something hurtful.

Will it get easier someday? I’m not sure.

But instead of obsessing over major personality clashes, nowadays I would rather turn my focus inward and do these things instead:

Focus on the positive things.

Choosing what to focus on is choosing peace.

It’s normal to notice the thing that stands out. That’s why, in a market full of wonderful sellers, it’s easy to come home disappointed because of one rude interaction.

I’m no different. Why should I focus on one person who doesn’t seem to like me when there are so many wonderful people I’m lucky enough to know? Why should I obsess over a hurtful comment when it isn’t even based on who I truly am?

I have the freedom to choose where I place my attention. And I’m choosing peace.

React accordingly.

If someone is hurtful toward me, I might not be tempted to seek revenge, but I will respond accordingly.

I won’t become extra sweet in hopes of winning their approval, but I won’t run in the opposite direction either whenever we meet face-to-face. I’ll still be warm enough to make small talk, but that’s it. I’m not going to force a deeper connection where there isn’t one.

I think it’s called healthy boundaries. I hope I’m right.

Nurture another aspect of your life.

When life becomes too heavy in one area—work or school, for instance—it’s alarmingly easy to get trapped in a spiral of endless commentary.

“Why is she like that?”

“Why the hell is he ignoring me?”

“Why is she looking at me like I’m a plague?”

Instead of obsessing over something hurtful, I choose to invest my energy elsewhere.

Right now, I’m busy learning Chinese. Even though it’s taking up a large portion of my spare time (psst, that’s why you’ve been seeing less of me around here), I’ve realized how wonderful it feels to have a passion to nurture.

So today, I just want to remind you not to let negativity take up more space than it deserves.

I know it’s not as simple as it sounds, but there are far more things in life worth celebrating than the small pockets of negativity trying to pull you in.

And maybe that’s all we can do: be kind where we can, set boundaries where we must, and keep our attention on the people and passions that make life feel bigger than the disappointments.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy The Unexpected Art of Gatekeeping and The Emotional Risk of Saying, “Hey, Old Friend”.