How to Embarrass Yourself in 3 Seconds or Less

So, I haven’t told you this before… but remember when I went to a former colleague’s wedding last week? I might have written a bittersweet, reflective post about how the reunion left me feeling like a completely normal, introspective human being, but you know the embarrassing little detail I conveniently left out just because… just because?

I made a social blunder.

You know the kind—the exact type of incident that makes this post (and the others like it) live under the “Unhinged Storytime” label.

So, the incident began right after my boyfriend and I wandered around the venue for food. I was already full, but my boyfriend wasn’t, so we stood near the door while he grabbed some empal gentong from the stall.

A moment later, my former supervisor arrived. Our eyes met, so we shook hands, and I introduced him to my boyfriend, who was just starting his meal.

Then, without a single active brain cell, I casually asked my old senior, “Alone? Where’s your wife?” I mean, he was never the type to show up alone. It felt unusual not to see her with him.

He didn’t answer with words. Instead, he simply showed me his ringless finger.

I was shocked to my core. I mean, how?! They had dated forever before getting married. I had just naturally assumed they were the “forever and ever” kind of couple. (Don’t ask me why, I just did.) 

And then, without any pause, hesitation, or basic human discretion, I blurted out, “Why?!” 

… 

I went silent.

He went silent.

My boyfriend, meanwhile, remained blissfully unaware of the disaster unfolding—too focused on eating his empal gentong to perceive social danger.

Who in their right mind asks someone why they’re getting divorced?! A normal person—or any person—would NEVER, EVER ask that to a colleague… let alone a former one they haven’t seen in almost four years.

But apparently, I would.

I asked him why.

And all I could do was pray the earth would open up and swallow him into another corner of the room. (Because obviously I couldn’t leave. My boyfriend was still eating cheerfully.)

I awkwardly tried to tell him it was okay, he didn’t need to explain (because seriously: WHO AM I), but he already confusedly muttered, “Well, we just couldn’t work things out…” so I let it be.

And the moment my boyfriend finished his food, we decided to go home, because I felt unstable inside…

And awkward…

And bad…

I had invaded someone’s privacy. We weren’t even close. It was truly the blunder of the year.

Moral of the story: Think before you speak, even in the most relaxed situation. You never know what chaos your mouth is capable of. Trust me on this one, kids.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy Loch Ness or Dinosaur? My Crochet Keychain Mystery or Flushback Friday; The Toilet Saga.