The Year I Stopped Asking “What Will They Think?”

I used to have a couple of friends who regarded being funny as their utmost personality. While that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, what they did on a daily basis could be a lot for some people.

Me included.

I wouldn’t say I was wholly affected by their sheer dominance—but to say they didn’t, to some extent, shape my behavior growing up would be an understatement of the century. I was a curious kid, always ready to try something new, while they were always… there, making fun of whatever I did.

“Ha! She does that!”

“That’s actually quite corny!”

“Hahahaha…”

Deep down, I knew they meant no harm. They just thought they were being funny. What they didn’t realize was that, over time, they were laughing at me—not with me.

Now that I no longer feel FOMO about missing the group’s weekly catch-ups anymore (for some reason, I used to feel this way), our friendship has slowly drifted apart. I had good memories with them—I truly did—but I’m not exactly sad that we rarely talk now.

The harsh truth, though, is that distance doesn’t automatically mean freedom. Even if I’m no longer close to them, I can still hear their voices in the back of my mind whenever I do something… different. I start to analyze everything before doing it: What will people—ultimately, them—think of this? Will they poke fun at me later?

I know it’s not healthy. But when I said that 2026 is going to be different, I didn’t realize it also meant breaking that chain.

Lately, I’ve just stopped… caring. This is my life—and moving forward, I’d rather think, “Why did I do that? Haha!” than “Why didn’t I do that?” Something feels different in the air. I no longer feel the need to ask permission from the invisible ghosts in my mind.

And so, I started a TikTok account last week—and I’ve been posting quite a lot ever since.

This isn’t exactly a promotion (especially since I post in Indonesian, because apparently the algorithm is kinder when my audience actually lives where I do). I’m just happy to finally feel confident enough to try new things in public—and I want to keep this here so I can look back and smile at the milestone.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy When a Friendship Quietly Ends and What I Learned When I Asked for Help.